i want a reason.

what the fuck is wrong with people? why does everyone hate each other so much? i've been running into so much misplaced anger lately. playing halo 3 online has been a lesson in torture. i hate that game sooo much. all the kids on there that i can't possible beat because i'm old and my reflexes have been dulled by drugs. when they beat me and i say good game, in the same way i did after a baseball game when i was 10, they reply, "you guys suck." a little kid tells me this almost everyday, "you guys suck."

i was almost killed the other night. while turn left, with a light, a car came flying straight at me at about 50mph, running the red light.. luckily, i slammed on the brakes and the fucker swirved around me. he stop a little after, i guess to see if he had hit me? what a fucking ass. i immediately thought, if i survived a car accident, how much i would be fucked. i have no money for that shit. today, i watched sicko. i cried about the way the hospitals in los angeles treat the old and poor by dropping them off on skid row. what the fuck is wrong with people? what is the percentage of christians in america, and this is the way people would prefer to treat the sick and dying? nobody seems to give much of a fuck. nobody. they'd much rather keep up appearances of being free and loving their fake as shit lives with the firm belief that there lazy holier-that-thou asses are going to heaven. stop being concerned with what happens after and start taking part now. the cloud guy or whatever, hates you.

i have heard three times in the past week that libertarians are crazy. i don't get that. how so? i'm more in line with a traditional view point but i also believe in universal aka free health care. yes, i'll pay more taxes to live a healthier, (hopefully) longer more productive life. i'll pay more taxes to make sure that everyone else is taken care of too. a doctor's first duty is to do no harm. i don't want people to die in pain. i don't want people to die in fear. i certainly don't want them to live that way either. why is that crazy? also, find out what that political ideal is before you get too flamboyant with your language.

halo

halo has been sucking up way too much of my time but it's so good.

hurm

i do not mind being very unhappy. i am used to it now. i feel better sometimes when the knife is twisted, see how bad it can get. it's not as bad as it sounds. i'm pretty sure that the only reason i keep going is that maybe some gal will take a good look at me and talk to me. i'm not going to take a chance but if they do maybe it'll work out better. i have a few crushes but i don't fool myself into thinking i will date anyone of them. i'm sure they find me unappealing in that way, just like i do.

alcohol is a stupid idea. it's such a waste of time. i'll drink a few to maybe get buzzed but getting drunk is more than a little dumb. i don't think any less of anybody that does get drunk, i know a lot that do, i just wish they would see it as a crutch. it's only to escape whatever is real to them. i'm not trying to generalize, i just think that recreational drugs are used too much. eventually you get nothing out of them. i really can't stand it when someone attaches too much meaning to a drug in a positive or negative way. people shouldn't suffer but pot is not the answer to everything. if you want pot to be legal say it's 'cause you wanna smoke it not because it gives cancer patients relief in some way you can't explain.

i guess that's all.

Observing

i heard on some radio station today at work some guy telling people to read some book because it told everyone what signs to look for warning jesus' return and no it wasn't the bible. he said all christians must read this book. right after that he attacked hillary clinton on her plan on getting out of the war. well, obviously this guy is a major neo-conservative, he talked about jesus coming and then mocked a senator on not liking the war, who happens to be hillary. maybe i'm stereo-typing but it sure seems that way to me. i don't give a shit about hillary or barack but you can certainly tell a conservative when they go straight for clinton. anyway, right before his attack he plays a snippet of a queen song. i just found that funny. i maybe stereo-typing again but, i'm sure this dude hates fags.

also, this guy at work, who happens to be racist but only racist against non-black/non-white people, told another employee that people say he's spoiled but he's not. i figured out he meant because his parents are rich because he then said all he asked for for christmas was a playstation 3 and a game. i asked, "you asked for a $600 gift and you don't think you're spoiled?" he replied, "it was only like $299." i said, "no a playstation 3 is more like $400 to $700." he said, "well yeah i guess with a game and everything." but that's not the best part, what he got for christmas was the ps3 a game and a 32" lcd tv at the least. the fact that he didn't even know how much his parents spent on him and the fact that he denied any claim that he was spoiled, help prove he is spoiled. there's more but i'm tired and don't care.

Have you seen this?

here, look at it. i don't know if anybody else showed this to me or not.

Boring night.

holy cats. i am so very fucking bored. i played a puzzle game for a little bit and now i'm right where i started, bored.

titties

i like titties. while thinking about them last night and this afternoon i realized that i haven't touched a titty in 3 years. that's sad. no wonder i feel so down all the time. loneliness, sure but it also has to do with titties. i should date a girl or at least touch some titties. i'm pretty sure i can recall exactly what a titty feels like. i know what it's supposed to feel like but i can bring that tactile information to simulate a titty. wow, i'm a pretty big loser.