hurm

i do not mind being very unhappy. i am used to it now. i feel better sometimes when the knife is twisted, see how bad it can get. it's not as bad as it sounds. i'm pretty sure that the only reason i keep going is that maybe some gal will take a good look at me and talk to me. i'm not going to take a chance but if they do maybe it'll work out better. i have a few crushes but i don't fool myself into thinking i will date anyone of them. i'm sure they find me unappealing in that way, just like i do.

alcohol is a stupid idea. it's such a waste of time. i'll drink a few to maybe get buzzed but getting drunk is more than a little dumb. i don't think any less of anybody that does get drunk, i know a lot that do, i just wish they would see it as a crutch. it's only to escape whatever is real to them. i'm not trying to generalize, i just think that recreational drugs are used too much. eventually you get nothing out of them. i really can't stand it when someone attaches too much meaning to a drug in a positive or negative way. people shouldn't suffer but pot is not the answer to everything. if you want pot to be legal say it's 'cause you wanna smoke it not because it gives cancer patients relief in some way you can't explain.

i guess that's all.